Marriage counseling in the US usually costs $100 to $250 per session, and specialists in big cities often charge $300 or more. Where you land depends on the therapist’s training, your location, session length, and whether insurance chips in. For reference, Dr. Sarah’s rates are $300 per 50-minute session and $480 per 80-minute session.
Ever wondered how much couples therapy might set you back? Find yourself Googling, “How much does marriage counseling cost?” The answer really depends on your location and the therapist you pick. Some places might be as low as $60, and in pricier areas or with top-tier counselors, you could see $300 or more per session.
Online marriage counseling is usually a bit easier on the wallet and works better for couples with packed schedules. If you’re uninsured, expect to land on the higher end of the range. Lots of people see counseling as an investment in their relationship, but it’s natural to wonder if it’s worth it before you dive in.
Key Takeaways
Marriage counseling prices are all over the map.
Online sessions usually cost less.
If insurance won’t cover it, paying out of pocket is the norm.
What’s the Average Cost of Marriage Counseling?
The average cost of marriage counseling in the US usually falls between $75 and $250 per session. Most couples shell out about $100 each time they see a therapist. Prices shift depending on your city, the counselor’s background, and their credentials. Some charge as little as $65, while top specialists can ask for $300 or more a session.
Therapists might bill by the hour, by session, or even offer discounts if you buy a bundle of sessions up front.
It depends. On average, online marriage counseling prices tend to be less expensive than in-person sessions because there are so many online therapy platforms like BetterHelp and Talkspace that offer lower-priced therapy options via phone, video and even texting. Some of these platforms offer monthly subscriptions, which could save you a bit if you’re planning on regular sessions.
But it’s important to understand that this type of online therapy can differ from working virtually with an experienced, qualified couples counselor. While this is not always the case, many large online therapy companies hire new and less experienced therapists who take on huge caseloads, which is how they keep their costs low.
When you work with an online couples therapy practice, like Couples Learn, you get a more traditional, personalized therapy experience with a qualified therapist – all from the comfort of your home.
Does Insurance Cover Marriage Counseling?
Short answer? Sometimes – but don’t count on it.
Marriage counseling isn’t always covered by insurance because most plans only pay for therapy that treats a diagnosable mental health condition. Since couples therapy focuses on the relationship and not necessarily on one person’s clinical diagnosis, it often falls outside what insurers consider “medically necessary.”
Frustrating? Definitely. But understanding how insurance works with therapy can help you plan your budget and avoid surprise bills.
If you’re hoping insurance will foot the bill, here’s what you need to know.
How Much Does Marriage Counseling Cost With Insurance?
If your insurance does help out with marriage counseling costs, you’re probably looking at a copay of $20 to $50 per session for in-network providers. Out-of-network therapists might be reimbursed partially – anywhere from 40% to 80% of the session cost – but only after you pay up front and file paperwork. (Yep, fun times.)
The catch? If you or your partner don’t already have an official mental health diagnosis, then your therapist typically has to diagnose you or your partner with a mental health condition, like anxiety, depression, or PTSD, in order to bill the insurance company at all. And not every couples therapist is willing to do that, especially if you’re coming in to improve communication or work through a rough patch, not because of a clinical diagnosis.
How Much Does Marriage Counseling Cost Without Insurance?
If you’re paying out of pocket, fees can swing a lot based on your city, the therapist’s experience, and session length. Most counselors set their own rates, and going with a private pay therapy option can have some unexpected perks as a client (even if you do pay more upfront).
Without coverage, expect to pay $75 to $200 per session, with the average landing somewhere around $100–$150.
Why Don’t Therapists Accept Insurance?
Most marriage counselors skip insurance because companies usually don’t cover couples therapy. There are good reasons for this. Therapists don’t have to slap a mental health diagnosis on you just to get paid, so your sessions stay more private.
Paying directly also means you get to pick a therapist you actually vibe with, not just whoever’s on a list. No paperwork headaches, no waiting for approvals. It’s simpler, more flexible, and honestly, just feels more personal.
Factors Affecting The Cost Of Couples Therapy
Beyond your insurance provider, lots of factors can nudge the price of couples therapy up or down. Where you live, how long you’re in session, and the kind of therapist you go with all play into what you’ll pay.
Therapist Experience
Therapists with more years under their belt or extra certifications usually charge more. Someone with a big reputation might ask $150 or more per session, while a newer counselor could be closer to $75.
Choosing a marriage counselor with experience can change both the cost and the kind of help you get. More experience doesn’t always guarantee better results, but a lot of people just feel better working with someone who’s seen it all.
Session Duration
Session lengths matter. Most couples therapy runs 45-60 minutes. Some therapists offer longer sessions – 75 or 90 minutes – especially early on or for big issues.
Longer sessions cost more, so your bill goes up if you want extra time. For example, a 45-minute session might be $100, but a 90-minute one could hit $200 or beyond.
Think about your goals and your calendar. Sometimes longer sessions help, but they’ll definitely bump up your overall cost of marriage therapy.
Location
Where you live makes a big difference. Therapists in big cities or expensive areas charge more – think $200 to $350 per session in places like New York or LA. In smaller towns, you might see $75 per session.
Number Of Sessions
The number of couples therapy sessions you’ll need also changes your total cost. Some couples only go for a few weeks, others might stick with it for months.
Therapists might suggest weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly visits. A common plan is 8 to 12 weekly sessions at first before cutting back as things improve.
Longer therapy isn’t always better, but you’ll probably want to plan for several sessions if you’re hoping for real change.
Sliding Scale Fees
Some therapists may not accept insurance but do offer sliding scale fees, so what you pay depends on your income. If the usual therapy costs feel impossible, just ask if they have lower-cost options.
Type Of Therapy
How much does marriage counseling cost? The style of couples therapy you pick can have a big impact, bumping the session rates up or down. There’s Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT),Gottman Method, Imago Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and more. Some are structured and short-term, others are open-ended.
Some therapists offer group sessions for less, while others do individual or unique methods that might have higher rates. Understanding the different couples therapy types can help you budget smarter.
How to Pay for Couples Therapy
Now that you understand how much marriage counseling may cost you, it’s time to answer the all-important question: how are you going to foot the bill? Paying for couples therapy can feel daunting, but you’ve got options.
Some ways to pay for couples counseling include:
Use a Health Savings Account (HSA) or Flexible Spending Account (FSA)
Ask about payment plans or package deals
See if your employer offers Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs)
Explore online programs for relationship issues rather than traditional therapy
If your budget’s tight, local organizations, schools, or universities sometimes offer sessions with student therapists at a reduced rate. Licensed professionals supervise these sessions, so you’re not just left on your own.
Don’t be shy about talking costs with your therapist. Most expect these questions and want to help you make therapy work.
Is Marriage Counseling Worth The Money?
Marriage counseling is an investment, both in money and effort. Sessions usually run from $75 to $250 each but can go even higher. So is the expense worth it? While it’s not for everyone, most couples say the real value of couples therapy shows up in their day-to-day life at home. Sometimes, just a handful of sessions in a safe space can do more than months of hashing things out on your own.
And does therapy cost less than divorce? Honestly, it usually does. Divorce can rack up thousands in legal fees and court costs, while even multiple therapy sessions rarely come close to that total.
Benefits of counseling can include:
Improved communication skills
Better conversations with your partner
Learning how to work through arguments
Understanding unhealthy patterns
Feeling closer and more respected
People on online forums sometimes stress about making their weekly payments. If you’re researching marriage counseling costs, then there’s a good chance you’re a bit concerned about the price, too. That’s normal, especially if cash is tight.
Before jumping into marriage counseling, it’s important to keep in mind that therapy only pays off if both people are actually willing to do the work. If one partner’s checked out, progress crawls – and you might feel like you’re flushing your hard-earned cash down the drain.
The Hidden Cost Of Not Getting Therapy
Another factor to consider when exploring the costs of couples therapy? How much it could cost you to NOT go. The truth is, skipping marriage counseling can let problems fester. Arguments stick around, and small misunderstandings may just keep getting bigger. Over time, you end up with more resentment and worse communication.
When couples don’t reach out for support, they can drift apart – and even split up. Your emotional bank account can truly run dry, affecting you, your partner, and your kids.
Consequences of avoiding therapy include:
Unresolved arguments and hurt feelings
Difficulty understanding each other’s strengths and weaknesses
The risk of untreated trauma building up
Higher chances of long-term separation
And as we mentioned above, the costs may not only be emotional. If your relationship problems lead to divorce, you could find yourself paying thousands in legal fees before you even calculate child support or alimony payments.
Think of couples therapy as an investment in your future and in a healthy relationship together. It gives you tools to build a stronger relationship, instead of letting little problems turn into disasters.
Marriage counseling cost FAQs
How much does marriage counseling cost per session?
Most marriage counseling in the US costs $100 to $250 per session, and specialists in big cities often charge $300 or more. Couples sessions are often longer than individual sessions, which can raise the price. Your price depends on the therapist’s experience, your location, and how long each session is.
How many sessions of marriage counseling will we need?
It depends on what you’re working on, but most couples complete therapy in 12 to 14 sessions. Some couples come in for a specific issue and need fewer, while others work on deeper patterns over a longer stretch. To estimate your total, multiply the session fee by the number of sessions. At $150 a session, 12 sessions comes to $1,800.
Does insurance cover marriage counseling?
Sometimes, but often it doesn’t. Most plans only pay for therapy that treats a diagnosable mental health condition, and couples therapy focuses on the relationship rather than one person’s diagnosis. If you have a PPO plan with out-of-network benefits, you may be able to pay your therapist directly and submit a receipt called a superbill for partial reimbursement. Call your insurance company and ask specifically about out-of-network coverage for couples therapy.
How much does couples therapy with Dr. Sarah Schewitz cost?
My rates are $300 per 50-minute session and $480 per 80-minute session. I don’t bill insurance directly, but I provide a monthly superbill you can submit to a PPO plan for out-of-network reimbursement. Every couple starts with a free 30-minute consultation, so you can see whether we’re a good fit before you commit to anything.
Is marriage counseling worth the cost?
For many couples, yes, especially when you get help before resentment has had years to build. Therapy gives you tools to communicate, repair after fights, and understand the patterns underneath your conflict, and those skills keep paying off long after sessions end. It’s also completely okay to weigh the cost carefully. Seeking help is a sign of strength, and a free consultation is a low-pressure way to find out whether it’s the right step for you.
For comparison, GoodRx puts a typical individual therapy session without insurance at $100 to $200 in most parts of the country, and couples sessions usually land at or above that range.
Why Choose Couples Learn For Online Therapy?
With Couples Learn, you get real support from a licensed therapist who actually cares. It’s not a giant company where you’re just a number. Each session feels personal, and tailored to what you and your partner need.
What makes Couples Learn different?
Founder and psychologist Dr. Sarah Schewitz is experienced and fully licensed.
Sessions are private, and your information stays confidential.
No dealing with insurance paperwork or confusing forms.
You’ll get a welcoming space to work on your relationship – no rush, no pressure. The team genuinely wants to help you make real progress, not just fill up the calendar with appointments.
You deserve therapy that respects your time and actually supports you. Couples Learn is all about helping you feel understood and make positive changes at a pace that’s right for you. If you’re looking for trusted online couples counseling, this is a great place to get started.
What’s Your Relationship Worth To You?
When you think about marriage counseling, it’s totally normal to focus on the price tag first. But honestly, what are you really paying for here?
A strong relationship can mean better health, less stress, and just more happiness – at home, at work, wherever. Skip investing in professional help for your relationship, and you might end up with bigger headaches (and bigger bills) later.
Ask yourself:
Is your relationship worth as much as a weekend getaway?
What’s the value of clear communication and trust?
Plenty of couples say that investing in counseling is worth every penny. You’re not just buying an hour with a professional. You’re investing in peace of mind, maybe even a healthier future with your partner. That’s not nothing, right?
Many couples face tough times in their relationships. When this happens, they might think about going to therapy. But with so many types out there, which one works best?
Numerous studies have looked into the effectiveness of different types of couples therapy. For example, research has shown that emotionally-focused couples therapy (EFT) has helped 90% of couples improve their relationships. Other forms of couples therapy have also proven to be effective in helping couples navigate their challenges.
The best couples therapy really depends on your unique needs and relationship dynamics. In order to find the right therapy as a couple it’s important to have a strong understanding of how couples therapy works and what types of therapy are available.
Couples therapy is a type of psychotherapy that focuses on improving romantic relationships. It involves both partners meeting with a trained therapist to discuss issues and find solutions.
In therapy sessions, you and your partner will talk about your concerns. The therapist will guide you through exercises to improve your relationship.
Therapy can also help with big life changes. These might include moving in together, getting married, or having a child.
It’s not just for couples in crisis. Even happy couples can benefit from therapy to make their relationship stronger.
6 Most Effective Couples Therapy Techniques
Couples therapy uses different methods to help partners improve their relationships. These approaches focus on changing behaviors, exploring emotions, and finding solutions to problems.
Some of the most effective couples therapy approaches include:
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
EFT helps couples understand and change emotional patterns. It focuses on creating secure attachments between partners.
In EFT, you’ll:
Identify negative interaction cycles
Express underlying emotions
Create new, positive interactions
This approach can help you feel more connected to your partner. It aims to build trust and improve intimacy.
Imago Relationship Therapy
Imago therapy connects childhood experiences to adult relationships. It suggests that you choose partners who remind you of your caregivers.
In Imago sessions, you’ll:
Share childhood wounds
Practice active listening
Learn to meet each other’s needs
This method can help you understand why you react in certain ways in your relationship.
Gottman Method
The Gottman Method is based on decades of research by Dr. John Gottman. It focuses on building friendship, managing conflict, and creating shared meaning.
Key components include:
Learning to avoid the “Four Horsemen” of negative interaction
Building love maps of your partner’s world
Creating shared goals and values
This method can help you strengthen your relationship’s foundation and improve communication.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Cognitive behavioral therapy for couples focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviors. It helps you identify and challenge unhelpful beliefs about your relationship.
This approach can help you develop a more balanced view of your relationship and improve your interactions.
Premarital Counseling
Premarital counseling is one of the most effective types of couples therapy because it is proactive.
This type of counseling helps couples talk through their issues before marriage and also gives couples the chance to discuss how they want their partnership to function before tying the knot. This can help set you up for success in the long run.
Online Couples Counseling
Online couples therapy is convenient and easier to schedule because you don’t have to make time to travel to an office. Some couples also find it easier to be vulnerable in therapy when they are in the comfort of their own home and the person they are opening up to is behind a screen. This kind of couples therapy can also be great for couples in long-distance relationships.
Because couples can join from different locations – or even just different rooms – it can help some find it easier to discuss especially difficult subjects.
Key Components of Effective Couples Therapy
Effective couples therapy focuses on several key areas to improve relationships. These components help partners build stronger connections and solve problems together.
Communication Skills Development
Improving communication is a top priority in couples therapy. You’ll learn to express yourself clearly and listen actively to your partner.
Therapists teach techniques like “I” statements to share feelings without blame. You’ll practice paraphrasing to ensure you understand each other correctly.
Role-playing exercises can also help you handle difficult conversations. You’ll gain skills to discuss sensitive topics calmly and productively.
Effective communication reduces misunderstandings and prevents arguments from escalating. With practice, you’ll feel more heard and understood by your partner.
Building Intimacy and Connection
Strengthening your emotional bond is crucial for a satisfying relationship. Therapy helps you rediscover what drew you together and build new positive experiences.
You’ll learn to show appreciation and admiration for your partner daily. Therapists may suggest activities to increase physical and emotional closeness.
Vulnerability exercises help you open up and share your deepest feelings. This builds trust and deepens your connection.
Managing Conflict and Resolving Issues
Every couple faces disagreements. Effective therapy teaches you to handle conflicts constructively.
You’ll learn to identify your conflict patterns and break negative cycles. Therapists help you find compromise and win-win solutions.
Time-out techniques can prevent arguments from getting out of hand. You’ll practice calming methods to use when emotions run high.
Learning problem-solving skills can help you tackle issues as a team. You’ll set ground rules for fair fighting and learn to avoid harmful behaviors like criticism or stonewalling.
Enhancing Emotional Understanding
Couples therapy can help you identify your own feelings and understand your partner’s emotional needs. This builds empathy and reduces emotional distance.
Therapists guide you to share vulnerable emotions safely. You’ll comfort each other in times of distress, strengthening your bond.
Exercises help you tune into your partner’s nonverbal cues. You’ll become more aware of each other’s emotional states and respond with care.
Strategies for Successful Couples Therapy
Effective couples therapy requires active participation and dedication from both partners. The following strategies can help you make the most of your sessions and improve your relationship.
Setting Clear Goals
Start by identifying specific issues you want to address. Talk with your partner about what you hope to achieve through therapy.
Write down 2-3 concrete goals, such as:
Improving communication
Resolving conflicts more effectively
Rebuilding trust
Share these goals with your therapist in your first session. This gives them a clear direction for your treatment plan. Review your progress regularly and adjust goals as needed.
Be patient – meaningful change takes time. Celebrate small victories along the way to stay motivated.
Fostering a Commitment to Therapy
Make therapy a priority in your schedule. Attend all sessions, even when it feels difficult. Consistent participation leads to better outcomes.
Do any “homework” assigned between sessions. This reinforces what you learn and helps you practice new skills. Be open and honest during sessions, even about uncomfortable topics.
Stay focused on improving your relationship, not “winning” arguments. Approach therapy as a team working toward shared goals. Support each other’s efforts to change and grow.
Incorporating Individual Psychological Work
While couples therapy focuses on your relationship, individual growth is also important. Take time for self-reflection between sessions. Consider how your own thoughts, behaviors, and past experiences impact your relationship.
Be willing to examine your own role in conflicts. Take responsibility for your actions without blaming your partner. Work on managing your own emotions and reactions.
If recommended, pursue individual therapy alongside couples sessions. This can help you address personal issues that affect your relationship.
Practicing Skills Outside of Sessions
Apply what you learn in therapy to your daily life. Practice new communication techniques regularly, not just during conflicts. This might include:
Active listening
Using “I” statements
Expressing appreciation
Set aside time each week to connect with your partner. Try new activities together or have meaningful conversations. Use problem-solving skills learned in therapy to tackle day-to-day issues as a team.
Be patient and supportive as you both work on changing old patterns. Acknowledge each other’s efforts and progress, no matter how small.
Choosing an Effective Couples Therapist
A couples therapist guides partners through challenges and helps improve their relationship. While the couples therapy approach they use is important, it’s also key to find the right therapist for you and your partner.
What to Look for in a Couples Therapist
An effective couples therapist is skilled at managing strong emotions. You can expect them to keep sessions on track, even when feelings run high. They should have advanced couples therapy training above and beyond their graduate training and they should specialize in working with couples. It’s usually not sufficient to work with a therapist who includes a few couples on their caseload now and again. You will benefit most from working with a specialist who does this work all day everyday.
Effective therapists use various techniques to help couples. These may include:
Active listening exercises
Communication skills training
Conflict resolution strategies
Your therapist should be able to explain relationship issues clearly. They’ll help you see patterns in your behavior and interactions and work to change them.
Couples Therapy Outcomes and Effectiveness
Couples therapy can lead to big improvements in relationships. Research shows it helps many couples feel happier together and solve problems better.
The good changes from couples therapy often last a long time. Many couples keep using what they learned months or years later.
A study of different therapy types found that improvements usually stick around long term. Couples tend to keep feeling closer and are able to use what they learned in therapy to deal with future problems better.
Frequently Asked Questions About Couples Therapy
Couples therapy offers various approaches to help improve relationships. Different methods can lead to positive outcomes when applied properly.
Which is better for relationship issues, Gottman Method or EFT?
Both the Gottman Method and EFT can be effective for relationship issues. The choice depends on your specific needs and preferences.
The Gottman Method aims to improve respect, affection, and closeness. EFT focuses on emotional bonds and attachment.
Your therapist can help you decide which approach might work best for your situation.
What are some successful outcomes of couples therapy?
Successful outcomes of couples therapy can include improved communication and conflict resolution skills. Many couples report feeling more connected and understood by their partner.
Therapy can also help resolve specific issues like infidelity or financial disagreements. Some couples find renewed intimacy and emotional closeness through the process.
How does one determine the best type of marriage counseling?
Consider your specific relationship issues and goals. Research different therapy types and their approaches.
Consult with potential therapists about their methods and experience. Many offer initial consultations to help you determine if they’re a good fit.
Your comfort level with the therapist is also important. Choose someone you both feel you can trust and open up to.
Can couples therapy make your relationship worse?
But can therapy make things worse? Our team of couples therapists had a very simple answer to this question: no. Couples therapy will not make your relationship worse. This does not, however, mean that couples therapy won’t be hard.
It is very common to feel like your relationship is getting worse when you first start therapy. For many couples, therapy is the first time they are truly talking openly about their issues. For others, diving into the ways that their childhood has impacted their adult relationships can be incredibly painful and eye-opening.
Still, an effective couples therapist will help you navigate through these conversations and come out better for it on the other side.
Are you having emotional reactions that seem disproportionate to the situation? Snapping at loved ones or feeling overwhelmed, disconnected and unfulfilled in your life and relationships? If so, you may be experiencing the effects of unresolved trauma and you may benefit from EMDR therapy.
Many clients come to Couples Learn to understand how past traumatic experiences shape the way they are showing up in their relationships. One of the most efficient ways to heal from past experiences and cultivate fulfilling relationships is through EMDR therapy. You may have heard friends or colleagues mention EMDR therapy, but wonder how it really works, and if it could be right for you. So what does EMDR stand for? And why does the name sound so complicated? This article will explore what EMDR therapy is, how it works, and how to find a qualified EMDR therapist.
EMDR or Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing therapy may conjure up images of laying on a couch being hypnotized, but it’s actually far from its seemingly “woo woo” sounding name. EMDR therapy is backed by years of research and it is recommended by the American Psychological Association as a successful trauma treatment.
EMDR therapy was founded by Clinical Psychologist Francine Shapiro Ph.D. in 1987, after she realized that bilateral stimulation on the body can impact the way the brain processes information. EMDR works by engaging the brain’s natural healing process to re-process painful past experiences that were stored improperly at the time of the traumatic experience. Engaging in EMDR therapy with a trained EMDR therapist can help to reduce trauma, anxiety, depression, panic disorder symptoms, and relationship issues.
What Is EMDR Therapy?
If you have found yourself confused after Googling “EMDR definition” and attempting to decipher the results, this section can shed some light on what EMDR really is.
Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is an evidenced-based trauma treatment that helps alleviate psychological distress caused by traumatic memories and negative beliefs. In fact, the research shows that EMDR therapy is the most efficient trauma treatment available. According to a publication through The EMDR International Association, EMDR was recently named the most cost-effective treatment for adults with PTSD. The average number of sessions needed to heal from trauma, and alleviate symptoms of anxiety, panic disorder, depression, and other mental health concerns is much shorter than a cycle of treatment using other evidence based methods.
The EMDR Therapy Process
EMDR works by using bilateral stimulation to guide the brain to reprocess a distressing memory. Bilateral stimulation is the process of stimulating each side of your brain, one at a time. This left-brain right-brain alternating stimulation is achieved through sound, touch, or eye movements. For example, you might listen to a beep played through headphones that alternates playing in your left ear, then your right ear. Or, you may follow a light with your eyes that causes them to move from left to right. Or, you may hold buzzers in your hands that gently vibrate left and right or tap your own shoulders with your hands, alternating left to right. Your EMDR therapist will help you to find the bilateral stimulation option that is most comfortable.
It is hypothesized that the process of bilateral stimulation mimics the process of REM sleep when our eyes move left to right rapidly. REM sleep is the time when our brain processes and stores the events and emotions from our day. After reprocessing in EMDR therapy, the brain retains the memory without the powerful emotions associated with it. Just like “sleeping on it” often helps give you new perspective on an issue. Most clients report feeling lighter, and as though the negative event has less power over them after EMDR treatment.
The beauty of EMDR therapy is it doesn’t require extensive discussion of the memories or lengthy homework in between sessions. It is helpful for moving through trauma in a more manageable way than having to tell all the details of your trauma and reopening emotional wounds over and over again through talk therapy. Research also shows that after engaging in a successful EMDR treatment for one issue, the brain actually has greater resiliency in managing future traumas and healing from them more effectively.
What is EMDR Therapy Used For?
Who can benefit from EMDR therapy? You may be thinking, I haven’t suffered any major traumatic events so I’m not sure EMDR is really for me. Most people associate trauma with major events such as physical assault, sexual abuse, natural disasters, a car accident, or other life threatening events. These experiences are indeed trauma and they are what we call big “T” trauma in the psychological world. EMDR Therapy is very effective in treating big “T” traumas.
However, many people have experienced non-life threatening trauma, called small “t” traumas which are often just as impactful and can be especially harmful to functioning in relationships. Small “t” traumas are things like emotional abuse, neglect, abandonment, racism, homophobia, and bullying. These small “t” traumas often happen repeatedly to the same individual throughout childhood and possibly even adulthood, causing many challenges in functioning and sometimes even leading to a disorder called Complex PTSD. There is a specific type of EMDR called Attachment Focused EMDR Therapy which is particularly helpful in treating the developmental trauma associated with small “t” traumas and Complex PTSD.
EMDR has been shown to be clinically useful for treating anxiety, panic disorder, and depression. It can also be used to help strengthen attachments, heal relationship wounds, and benefit couples therapy.
EMDR for PTSD
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD is a psychological disorder that develops as a result of a big “T” trauma or a trauma where you believed your life was at risk. Symptoms of PTSD include nightmares, hypervigilance, flashbacks, trouble sleeping, difficulty controlling your emotions, and avoidance of things that remind you of the trauma. EMDR counseling works to reduce the emotional charge associated with the memory of the event and stop trauma triggers from sending you into re-experiencing the event. These flashbacks, which are common in PTSD survivors, can derail daily life and cause symptoms of avoidance and isolation which further deteriorate mental health. By getting to the root cause of the PTSD, and reducing the emotion associated with the traumatic event, an EMDR therapist can help you move past your trauma and live a more fulfilling life.
EMDR for Trauma
EMDR therapy is most often used to treat trauma. EMDR for trauma and PTSD were the first methods of EMDR to be researched and used successfully. By engaging with traumatic memories in a small tolerable amount, you do the work with part of your awareness in the present moment, connected to your surroundings and current safety, while exploring the past distressing event. This allows your brain to send messages between the amygdala (responsible for regulating emotions) and the hippocampus (related to memory). This dual awareness of the past and present helps you to release the intense emotional portion of the memory while maintaining the understanding that the event occurred.
EMDR for Anxiety
Similar to its power for treating trauma, EMDR for anxiety has also been shown to be highly effective. Most mental health issues are caused by negative experiences stored in our brains and labeled as dangerous, due to our evolutionary survival instincts. The brain is trying to protect itself from further trauma or potential death, so it carefully catalogues any distressing or perceived life threatening event and any details about what was happening at the time the event occured. The brain then responds to anything similar in the future as a potential threat and will send a signal to the body to get ready to fight, flight, or freeze to protect itself from the threat.
These reminders often trigger an unwanted response. A trigger signals to the brain that a potentially dangerous situation (requiring an anxious response to protect ourselves) is about to occur. If you have experienced anxiety you may be able to remember the first time you felt anxious. This memory serves as a template for your anxious experiences and each time you experience another anxiety provoking event, your brain remembers it, flags it, and stores it in that channel of memories. EMDR therapy works to address the distressing memories which make you feel anxious and relieve your current symptoms.
EMDR for Depression
EMDR for depression works in a similar way to EMDR for anxiety and trauma. Oftentimes, we create meaning and negative beliefs about ourselves from the experiences we have. For example, a lack of satisfaction or success in your job may cause you to have a belief about yourself that you are not competent. This is called a negative core belief. This belief about yourself likely causes you to feel unmotivated, ashamed, sad, and/or angry. You may also experience other symptoms, such as negative thought patterns, disengaging from activities you used to enjoy, and trouble sleeping.
Oftentimes, you can link that negative core belief about yourself to a specific situation in which you were yelled at by a boss, or passed up for a promotion, or missed a deadline. Or, it may go even farther back to childhood experiences with a critical parent. Whatever the distressing memory, the resulting belief about yourself can be reframed through EMDR therapy. Although, you may not have undergone a life threatening event, the memory of a distressing situation can be reprocessed with dual awareness in the past and present with a trained EMDR therapist to help you move forward and develop a healthier view of yourself.
EMDR Couples Therapy
Whether one partner has experienced a trauma which is impacting their level of distress, or both partners experienced a trauma conjointly, EMDR therapy can be helpful in healing the trauma and allowing the couple to move forward without being constantly re-triggered and falling into old unproductive patterns of communication and disconnection. EMDR couples therapy can involve one partner being a present supporter for their partner as they reprocess distressing memories or it can be used to build safe attachments with one another to strengthen the relationship.
How Does EMDR Therapy Work?
EMDR works by engaging in the brain’s natural healing process, in which information is moved back and forth between your right and left brain to be processed and stored. As mentioned above, this is done by using bilateral stimulation to re-process maladaptively stored memories due to painful past experiences.
In EMDR therapy, you’ll be asked to think about a target memory and then begin and continue bilateral stimulation until the emotional disturbance of the memory is reduced. The bilateral stimulation activates the memory network associated with the traumatic memory and everything that needs to be processed will come forward. That’s the beauty of our brains and bodies – if we remove the blockages that are preventing our natural processes from taking place, our body can do what it needs to do to heal.
EMDR therapy does not hurt or require you to be connected to a machine. It can bring up painful past memories and cause you to feel the emotions or body sensations that are associated with the memories as you move through it but most people find this tolerable. Your EMDR therapist will work with you to create dual awareness so that you can maintain your awareness in the present moment where you are safe as you experience the sensations associated with the past memory. Your EMDR therapist will also teach you self-soothing tools to use during EMDR before you even start the processing.
How Will I Feel During EMDR Therapy?
EMDR Therapy does involve some emotional discomfort and fortitude to move through the distressing memories to allow the brain to process them in a new way and release the emotional power they have over you in the present moment. The only way to move forward is to move through it but you and your therapist will move at a pace that feels safe for you. The reprocessing portion of EMDR therapy is often described like being on a train and looking out the window at the changing scenery. You are aware of what you are seeing (past memories) but you allow it to pass you by as you move forward and leave behind the distressing feelings associated with the memories.
When you finish reprocessing, you may feel a sense of lightness in your body, relaxation, or perhaps exhaustion. Many people describe feeling a sense of release, openness and peace. Everyone experiences EMDR differently, but some people may experience side effects of vivid dreams or fatigue directly following a session. Others report feeling emotionally vulnerable following a reprocessing session. Once you move through the process, you will experience effects of reduced sensitivity to triggers and be able to talk about the situation without becoming emotional, or having the negative symptoms you previously experienced.
What to Expect in an EMDR Session
A typical EMDR session starts off with you getting to know your therapist, and the therapist helping you identify important events and memories linked to the disturbances you are experiencing. Once the history taking portion is completed, you will work with your EMDR therapist to identify memories to target first. Before tackling the distressing memories, you will develop various self-regulation skills to ensure that you are comfortable self-soothing and remaining within your window of tolerance for difficult emotions. The idea is that you develop the basic skills you need to ground yourself and get back to baseline, before addressing distressing memories so you feel more confident beginning the reprocessing.
After learning these important self-regulation skills, you will start with your chosen memory. Your EMDR therapist will help you identify the emotions associated with the memory, a negative belief about yourself, and a positive belief that you would prefer to have about yourself. You then identify where you feel the emotion in your body, and hold that in your awareness as you engage in bilateral stimulation (BLS). All methods of BLS are effective and the method used is based on personal preference and therapist discretion.
Why EMDR Therapy Works
EMDR therapy works because it connects the old distressing memories with new information. You are accessing the traumatic memory in small manageable doses and paring it with new information and new beliefs about yourself. The brain naturally has the ability to heal from trauma. The problem is that sometimes these situations are so intense that they hijack the brain’s ability to access this natural healing and rational approach to the information.
EMDR therapy helps the brain tap into its natural ability to move forward from the pain associated with the memory and access the safety present in the current moment. The unprocessed information at the time of a distressing event incorrectly causes the brain to store the emotions and related physical sensations along with that memory. Many psychological disorders are caused by this lack of processing and improper storage. Therapists use EMDR to tap into the brain’s natural process of storing information and pair the traumatic memories with adaptive information such as positive coping, reframed thoughts and beliefs, and new resources for support so that they don’t feel scary anymore. Through EMDR therapy, the brain can properly process the memory and alleviate the symptoms created by the maladaptively stored memories.
Finding an EMDR Therapist
If after reading about the effectiveness of EMDR therapy, you’re wondering where you can find an EMDR therapist, we’ve got you covered. The therapists at Couples Learn can provide you with skilled EMDR therapy to overcome painful past experiences, help you live the life you want to live and show up as the person you want to be in your relationships. We have therapists trained in both Attachment Focused EMDR as well as traditional EMDR Therapy. The best part is, you can do EMDR from the comfort of your home with online therapy from Couples Learn. Book your free consultation to learn more about our EMDR services and pricing.
Want to learn more about EMDR therapy at Couples Learn? Watch the video below to learn more about the EMDR therapy process and what to expect in an EMDR session.
