How your family history may be holding you back in life and what to do about it
Every breakdown is the beginning of a breakthrough…if you let it be. When things don’t go your way, do you choose to wallow or choose to change? How we speak to ourselves and the thoughts we allow in our mind determines our success in life. We have the power to change everything the minute we learn to change our inner dialogue. So HOW does one change their inner dialogue? Why are some people innately positive and optimistic while others seem to assume the worst in every situation? Is there hope if you are a glass half empty type of person? The answer is a resounding yes!
We all have a quitter and a champion within us but why do some seem more predisposed to one over the other? Family history can play a role in determining your dominant inner personality. If you grew up in a household where you were encouraged, praised, and loved unconditionally regardless of your accomplishments and failures, you will likely have a glass half full approach to life. You will praise before you criticize both when dealing with yourself and others. In other words, your champion will be the dominant personality. If you grew up in a household where you were frequently criticized, told you weren’t enough, treated with love and respect only when you were being “good”, and made to feel you were “bad” when you failed, you will likely have a glass half empty approach to life. Your knee jerk reaction to yourself and others will be criticism over encouragement, judgement over acceptance, and you are more likely to assume failure as the likely outcome in a risky or scary situation.
Ok so let’s say you are in camp #2 as described above and you grew up in a somewhat (or very) negative household. Does that mean you are doomed to be a pessimistic and negative failure? Definitely not! You have the power of choice and now that you recognize your situation, you GET to actively overcome it.
Regardless of your upbringing, there will be times for everyone when your quitter is louder and more convincing than your champion so this applies to those glass half full folks too. The key to changing your mindset is awareness and practice. If and when you catch yourself being negative, stop the negative thought immediately and replace it with a positive one. This technique is called thought stopping in the world of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. As you practice this and make it a habit, you actually change the pathways in your brain and make the positive thoughts your go-to habit instead of the negative ones. You literally create new connections in your brain that make it easier to think positive the next time around. This is why people say “just fake it till you make it.” It’s like working a muscle – the more your champion speaks, the louder and stronger he or she will eventually become, even if you don’t fully believe the positive thoughts you are thinking right away.
For example, let’s say you decide to start a new business around the full-time job that you already work. Your champion might say things like “you are amazing! I’m so proud of you for putting in extra work to build your dreams.” “You know that this business will help you create the long-term time and financial freedom that you want. It’s going to be SO great to fire your boss one day!” “The hours are long and hard now but this is all going to be worth it one day.” However, the quitter in you might say things like “you’re tired and it’s been a long day at work. You don’t need to work on your business tonight. You deserve a night off.” “What if this business doesn’t even work and you’ve wasted all this time for nothing?” “You have a good job with decent pay and good benefits. Why do you need more? Don’t be selfish.”
The minute you realize your quitter is speaking, say out loud “thank you for sharing but I’m not interested in your opinion right now.” Or of you prefer a more forceful approach, you can say “stop it! You are not helping me right now!” Next, think of an encouraging friend or family member and ask yourself what they would say to you in this situation? Repeat these encouraging and loving statements out loud to yourself. You may have trouble bringing positive thoughts to mind when you are caught in a negative tailspin so it can also be helpful to write out a number of positive thoughts when you are in a good mood to read and repeat to yourself in times like this. If possible, after you shift your thoughts, take action on a small task you know you can accomplish. Do something that will move you forward towards your goals to further reinforce your champion mindset.
With practice, you will find that your tendency to think positive, encouraging thoughts increases and your accomplishments will too. As you let go of your inner critic, you let go of doubt, criticism, fear, and misbelief. As you harness and encourage your inner champion, you let in love, confidence, belief and certainty. Our greatest power comes from within and we all have everything we need already within us. Let your champion shine bright and surround yourself with those who let their champions shine bright as well. Over time, you will look back and be amazed at how far you have come.