At some point or another, the topic of sex always (ahem) comes up when I work with couples. It’s common to discuss better sex tips for couples in my sessions. Sex is a very important part of a healthy relationship and when it isn’t working right for both partners, problems can… arise.
Interestingly, some studies even suggest that, regardless of the kinds of emotional problems troubling a couple, having good sex can increase their level of satisfaction with the relationship. It really can be that important!
So, in the interest of increasing satisfaction everywhere, let’s explore some top 10 sex tips for couples. Here’s to a better sex life!
10 Better Sex Tips for Couples You Can Try (Like Even Tonight)
Tips for mind-blowing sex don’t have to involve complicated positions (or complicated anything). Sometimes better sex tips are as simple as changing your mindset.
Love Yourself
Your body is a temple. Love it and treat it right. Talk positively about your body. Don’t focus on your perceived flaws. Instead, focus on what you love about the skin that you’re in. Need some help in this department? My friend Lauren McAulay is an amazing self-love and body love coach. Check her out!
Know Yourself
Learn about your body. Discover what turns you on and be willing to communicate that to your partner. Explore your likes and dislikes by touching every part of your body and seeing what feels good. You may be surprised at how sensitive different areas of your body can be.
Drop Judgments
Nothing ruins good sex like judgments. Leave the old beliefs in the past and see sex for what it is; a beautiful way for two people to connect with one another. Look at it this way; the better sex you have, the happier you will be. And the happier you are, the nicer you will be to others. So, really, having great sex is an act of service to humanity! Who could judge that?
Banish Myths
Using porn as a measure of good sex is unrealistic, as is the idea that the absence of multiple orgasms means trouble. In fact, porn can be really detrimental to a relationship if used in the wrong way. Check out this presentation by my friend Greg Woodhill, MFT to learn about the benefits and drawbacks of porn. It’s important to know that good sex can mean anything from a satisfying quickie to a full night of romance. Don’t get too hung up on how things “should” be. Instead, focus on what feels right to you and your partner.
Be Present
Stay in the moment and enjoy each sensation – this may be the most important of all the better sex tips for couples. Hold eye contact and focus on your breath as a tool to help you stay in your body. If outside thoughts interrupt you, just watch them pass, and then get back to the action. If you are having trouble staying in the moment, pretend you are an announcer at a sports game and run the play-by-play of what is happening in your mind. “And now he is kissing my neck…oh that feels so good. And now he is moving lower with his mouth…” You get the idea 😉
Fantasize
Share your fantasies with your partner. Do you have a thing for guys dressed as Elvis? Tell him! Whatever it is, allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your desires. Have fun with it!
Role Play
Pretend that you are his new professor or he is your waiter. Pick new roles to try and watch the sparks fly. Having a chance to play and pretend can do wonders for your creative self.
Explore
Try a new position or a new destination. Or add in a new toy that you both will enjoy. Shake things up to avoid falling into a rut. Drive out to a scenic point and do it in the car. Or go camping and make love under the stars. Google different positions and try them out. You may even find a new favorite.
Try Having Your Eyes Wide Shut
Experiment with a blindfold. This will not only increase the alertness of your other senses but it will also be a trust-building exercise. Plus, it’s a great way to play into the art of anticipation.
Get Your Game On
What better way is there to remember that sex is supposed to be fun than to make a game out of it? Try incorporating strip poker or twister into your sexual repertoire. That way, no matter who loses, you both win!
Still Struggling With Your Sex Life?
If you’ve tried these better sex tips for couples without success or realize you need some professional help to have a better sex life, it might be time to consider online therapy.
Both couples therapy and individual therapy for relationship issues can help get to the root of any sex problems in your relationship.
If you’re ready to learn more about ways to improve your sexual relationship, contact Couples Learn today. We’re here to help!
Did you know that sex, or lack thereof, is one of the biggest topics that couples fight about? It’s true! But there is hope for a better – more communicative – sex life, thanks to the sex tips for couples we’re sharing today.
But first, why do so many couples fight about sex? Besides the obvious reason that sex is a very important part of a healthy romantic relationship, there’s the added factor that talking about sex (even sex in a marriage!) is often considered taboo. That’s a major problem!
How are couples supposed to work on developing a safe, loving, and exciting form of intimacy when they can’t even share what turns them on and what doesn’t?! The short answer is, they can’t.
That’s why it’s so important to learn how to talk to your partner about sex (this is the first of our sex tips for couples). Yes, you may feel awkward or embarrassed at first but remember, that’s from years of conditioning. If you think about it, it’s pretty silly that you can get naked and have sex with someone, as long as you don’t talk about it.
So, in order to break the silence, here are 3 sex tips for couples.
Top 3 Sex Tips for Couples
1. Be Kind But Direct
One of the things that is so beautiful about sex is that you get the chance to learn about each other’s bodies. He likes when you kiss his neck but she can’t stand anyone touching her feet. Everyone has their own specific likes and dislikes and there really is no right or wrong when it comes to each of your preferences.
However, if you want those preferences met, and your partner hasn’t figured it out yet through trial and error, you need to be willing to talk about what you do and don’t want. That’s why actually talking about sex is one of the most important sex tips for couples – it’s the path to mind blowing sex!
What if you don’t know what you like and dislike? That’s ok! Let your partner know that you would like to explore different types of foreplay, new positions, and maybe even role play and the use of sex toys to learn what turns you on.
Ok, but what if you have to share something unpleasant? Like the fact that you can’t handle his smell when he comes home from playing basketball? Or the fact that the way she kisses doesn’t turn you on? It’s better to tell your partner what’s really going on rather than pretend you’re not in the mood.
In the case of the smelly basketball player, maybe suggest taking a shower together or say something like “I’m so excited to continue this make-out session when you get out of the shower so please hurry back to me.”
In the case of the bad kisser, try saying something like “I love it when you kiss me slowly and gently” or “It’s my favorite when you kind of tease me with soft kisses and nibble on my lower lip.” Tell her what you do like vs what you don’t like.
With both examples, you save their ego and encourage more of the behavior you do like vs discouraging what you don’t like. This simple switch is one of the best sex tips for couples to encourage kind and direct communication.
2. It’s Okay To Play
Don’t be afraid to be playful and laugh as you learn about each other’s hot spots. After all, sex is supposed to be fun! Having a carefree attitude is one of our favorite sex tips for couples, and can help bring the pressure of a perfect night of sex way down. It can also help when the unexpected (read: fart) happens.
3. Remember That Sex Is Emotional Currency
As it turns out, sex means different things to women vs. men. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule. Increasingly more women are discovering their inner Samantha from “Sex and The City.”
But, as a general tendency, men feel more connected to their partners through having sex. Women, on the other hand, need to feel connected first, in order to want sex. Do you see how this could be a problem?
To bridge the gap, try to make an effort to understand what sex means to your partner. This is one of the top tips for a better sex life because it can actually lead to more sex.
It’s possible that a woman who knows that sex is her man’s way of wanting to feel close to her will be more willing to rumple the sheets than if she thought he was only interested in a physical release. Similarly, a guy may make the extra stride toward emotional closeness if he knows that it will make his girl weak in the knees.
Go Beyond Sex Tips for Couples
Speaking of emotional closeness, does your relationship need a little boost in the romance department? Do you need to go beyond sex tips for couples? Do you want personalized, one-on-one help for your sex life or relationship in general? Explore our online couples therapy and individual therapy services.
If you would like to learn more about how to improve your sex-life with your partner, contact Couples Learn for a free 30 minute consultation today!
