Did you know that money is one of the top three things that couples fight about? The other two are sex and communication. Interesting, since money and sex are two topics that are considered taboo, which leads to a lack of talking, a.k.a. communication!
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See how that all fits together?
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All jokes aside, in order to make sure that money doesn’t get in the way of your relationship, you need to break the taboo, get uncomfortable and…take a deep breath…talk about it! I know it can be awkward to bring up, especially if it’s a heated topic but better to plan a time to have a rational conversation and come to an agreement than to blow up at each other next time things get out of hand.
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In fact, talking about money with your partner can be extremely enlightening and a huge relief. But, how do you start a positive money conversation?
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Click here to watch a video of a real couple talking about money in therapy.

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One way, is for you and your partner to find out which “money personality,” fits each of you. Your money personality is how you feel about money and the way you manage it. Your beliefs and habits around money are a product of your upbringing and your life experiences formed over many years.
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The 4 money personalities are:

  • Hoarder – Save ALL The Money
  • Spender – Spend ALL The Money
  • Avoider – What Money?
  • Monk – Money Is Dirty And The Root Of All Evil

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Want a free download that includes an online quiz you can take to determine your money personality, an in depth look at each money personality, and suggestions on how to improve based on your personality? Ya, I thought you might so I created one. Don’t say I never do anything for you 😉
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Click Here To Get Your Free Money Personality Download

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Once you know which money personality you and your partner ascribe to, you can begin to empathize with each other and understand where the other is coming from. One important topic to discuss is how each of your parents talked about and handled money when you were a child. This can lead to a better understanding of where your habits were formed and help you see whether you are following in their footsteps (which may or may not be a good thing!)
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A great book that helps you explore your history with and beliefs about money is Secrets of The Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Ecker. There is also a seminar based on the book called The Millionaire Mind Experience which is a helpful (and free!) seminar for couples to attend together.
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It can be very challenging having a partner with an opposite money personality but it is absolutely possible to live happily together if you communicate regularly about the topic and come up with a game plan that you are both comfortable with.
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Opposite money personalities can actually complement each other. Savers keep spenders out of the poor house, while spenders encourage savers to enjoy the fruits of their labor now and then. Getting to the point where both money personalities contribute to a balanced approach requires compromise and communication but IS definitely possible.
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Most couples find that as their relationships get more serious, so do their money problems. And when you get married, money is even more of an issue, because there are more decisions to be made. Will you keep your assets separate, or merge accounts? Will one of you handle the financial decisions in the relationship, or will you both take responsibility? How will you decide what to spend money on, and where to try and save?
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One idea that I find works for many couples is to set a spending limit, above which a conversation needs to take place. For example, some couples find that for purchases over $100, they need to consult their partner before buying. If these talks tend to end in a fight, it might be time to talk with a skilled therapist, who can help you through the rough patches.
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Click here to watch a video of a real couple talking about money in therapy.
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On the other hand, sometimes a cigar isn’t really a cigar. In other words, sometimes a couple will fight about money when it isn’t the real issue. Money is an easy scapegoat, because it’s usually on our minds in some form or another. In these cases, that same skilled therapist, (okay, me), can help you get to the bottom of what’s really going on.
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If you would like more information on how to talk with your partner about money and many other issues, schedule a free 30 minute consultation with Dr. Schewitz
And if you found this helpful, share it with your friends using the social media share buttons below.
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