Stay positive in your relationship
With everything that’s going on in the news these days, it’s easy to fall into a heap of negativity and despair. However, doing so doesn’t only depress you, it also wreaks havoc on your relationship.
It’s hard to want to be around someone who only sees the dark clouds and never the silver lining. Though you may not realize it, having a negative mindset affects you, your significant other, and anyone else you come into contact with. This article will help you learn some foolproof ways of bringing positivity into your daily life and your relationship.
Celebrate We Will
If you are a Dave Matthews fan, you know the song I’m referring to here. It’s called “Two Step” and the lyrics say: “Celebrate we will. Cause life is short but sweet for certain.” Isn’t that the truth?
I tell all of my clients to celebrate their wins, whether big or small. So often, we focus on what we didn’t do, or what we screwed up, rather than all the things that we did well during the day. If you do this to yourself, odd are you probably do it to your partner too. That kind of criticism and negativity can be detrimental to both you and your relationship.
Yes, you might find that your brain tends to notice the negative things more than the positive, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay that way.
Does your hair look awesome today? CELEBRATE! Look in the mirror and tell yourself, “Your hair looks amazing today!” Did you finish 3 out of the 5 items on your to-do-list? CELEBRATE! You accomplished 3 important tasks today. Pat yourself on the back for being so efficient. Did your partner remember to take out the trash for the 1st time this month? Tell him/her how much you appreciate them helping out.
By focusing on the positive things that you and your partner have done, you are training your brain to pay attention to what’s good. You are growing the fruit of positivity on your personal tree.
Adopt An Attitude Of Gratitude
Studies have shown that focusing on what you are grateful for leads to a happier, more optimistic outlook on life. One way to hone in on what you are grateful for is to keep a gratitude journal. Keep a pen and your journal by your bed and write down 3 things that you are grateful for each night before you go to sleep or every morning when you wake up. Be sure to include things you are grateful for about your partner as well. Just knowing that you have to do this will change the way that you approach your day and make you more aware of the little things that went well. You’ll be amazed at how much you are grateful for, even on your worst days!
Give To Live
There is nothing that will bring on a positive mood faster than participating in a random act of kindness. Make it a habit to do one nice thing for someone else each day. Spread compliments like confetti and watch those around you shine. Or, simply let someone move ahead of you in line. Remember, it’s the smallest gestures that sometimes make the biggest impact.
Consider The Tale Of Two Wolves
There is an ancient story of a grandfather telling the tale of two wolves to his grandson. The grandfather explains that there are two wolves competing within each of us; one is positive and represents things like kindness, bravery, and love, while the other is negative, and represents things like greed, hatred, and fear. These two wolves are at constant war within ourselves.
The grandson then asks the grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”
The grandfather replies: “The One That You Feed.”
If you would like help becoming more positive, contact me. I see many individuals whose partners don’t want to come to couples therapy. Time and time again, I find that working on positivity with the one person who will come to therapy has a profound effect on the relationship.