Signs You Need Look For In a Healthy Relationship
It seems like everywhere you look these days, there’s advice on how to know when you should call it quits and end a relationship. That’s very useful advice, but how do you know when you’ve got a good one on your hands? Is it, as the popular meme says, when you’ve found someone who likes to leave parties at the same time that you do? Is that just an urban dating myth? How can you tell if you are in a healthy relationship?
WHAT DOES A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE?
How much time do healthy couples spend together? How often are they having sex? Is it true that couples who pray together, stay together?
Unfortunately, there is no one size fits all when it comes to what a healthy relationship should look like. Just as every person on this planet is unique, so is every couple. However, I’ve come up with some common characteristics of healthy relationships. Of course, this isn’t a complete list, but here are a few qualities that make a relationship worth its weight in gold.
Traits of a Healthy Relationship: A Feeling Of Trust
Trust is an extremely important part of any relationship. Without it, you can never know if your partner is telling you the truth, which obviously causes major insecurities. If you can’t trust that your partner will remain faithful to you while you go out with your friends, or spend some much needed alone time, then you will force yourself to be with them at all times, and that just isn’t healthy! You deserve to be with someone who is faithful and does what they say they will do so that you can feel free to do your own thing.
There’s a saying that if you pay attention, people will tell or show you who they really are. And once they show you, believe them! Someone who is untrustworthy will almost always show you their true colors eventually. If you find yourself confused by your partner’s explanations about mundane things, pay attention to those inconsistencies. First, he told you that he was at his mother’s house but later the story is, he was at his best friend’s place. If you mention the discrepancy and he tells you that you are crazy or too possessive, this is a red flag and could be gaslighting. A truthful person, on the other hand, is consistent. Not just in the stories they tell you but in keeping their word in general.
However, trust isn’t just about being faithful and it isn’t just about lying or telling the truth either. It’s also about being able to count on someone to do what they say they will. That’s called being reliable and it’s probably the #1 thing women need from a man to feel secure in a relationship.
Do you want to know if you are in a healthy relationship? Take our quiz now to find out!
Healthy Boundaries In Relationships
Brene Brown has an amazing video where she describes the Anatomy of Trust and one of the first things she talks about is boundaries. A major component of trust is respecting your partner’s boundaries and holding your own. I have another blog post on the topic of boundaries, which is a whole topic on its own.
It’s far easier to have a strong relationship with someone who is truthful, so if you’ve got yourself a reliable truth-teller, that’s one sign that you are in a healthy relationship.
How Often Do Couples Fight In A Healthy Relationship?
Have you ever asked yourself if the amount of fighting in your relationship is healthy? If this question has crossed your mind, you are not alone! The answer, though, has more to do with how the conflict is handled than how often it happens. Conflict is a healthy and normal part of any relationship if done well. There is an analogy I love to tell my clients that has to do with the way bridges are built. According to engineers, the strongest part of a bridge is the part where the metal has been broken apart and then welded back together. This is such a beautiful analogy for conflict in relationships because, if done lovingly, resolving conflict together will actually make you stronger as a couple than you were before you had the fight. Really!
How To Be In A Healthy Relationship: Learn To Apologize
Let’s face it – If you are with someone for an extended period of time, both of you are going to make a mistake at some point. That’s okay, as long as you both know how to apologize. Being able to say you are sorry shows maturity and confidence because it means that you realize you are not defined by your mistake; it’s just something unfortunate that you did. Anyone who has been in a successful long-term relationship will tell you that practicing apologies and giving forgiveness are both things that you will get very good at.
Healthy Communication In Relationships
Speaking of having your feelings hurt, it’s important that you feel like you can bring up hurts and disappointments with your partner. You need to be able to say when something bothers you, without fear that your partner will turn the situation around and blame you. In a healthy relationship, an exchange like this might take place:
You: It hurt my feelings that you didn’t seem that excited when I told you that I’d be taking a photography class. I’m very excited about photography and I’d like to be able to share my excitement with you.
Your Partner: I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was that important to you. I will be more enthusiastic from now on. Can you show me some of the photos you took?
For contrast, an unhealthy response from your partner might look more like:
“Well, you find a new hobby every week, so how am I supposed to know when to take you seriously?”
Yikes! If that’s his response, you two may want to talk to a therapist right away.
In a strong, healthy relationship, you will want to share your feelings with your partner, because you expect him or her to react positively to what you are saying. In healthy relationships, each partner wants the other person to grow and be his or her best self. You don’t try to hold each other back or rain on each other’s parades. Instead, you are there for each other during both the good and bad times. It’s like having someone that you can count on, no matter what.
As I said earlier, this doesn’t mean that you will never fight or argue. It just means, as one healthy relationship quote says, “Even when you don’t really like your partner, you love him anyway.”
What Makes A Relationship Strong: Mutual Respect
Partners who respect each other have each other’s backs. They don’t talk badly about each other to their friends and they encourage each other to grow. It’s so important to be with someone who wants you to be your best self; someone who will stand up for you when you’re not around, and who will help you believe in yourself even more than you already do.
If your significant other discourages you from taking a class or bettering yourself in some way, chances are he or she is afraid that if you grow too much you will leave the relationship. This is toxic! Healthy partners want each other to grow and be the best version of themselves that they can be.
It’s much easier to want your partner to grow if you feel good about yourself. Part of the reason why some relationships are unhealthy is that one or both of the people in them have low self-esteem. This can cause a person to be jealous, possessive, manipulative, or downright nasty in a relationship. In contrast, if both partners feel good about themselves, then the chances that they will treat each other with respect are much higher.
What A Healthy Relationship Looks Like: The Ability To Laugh
Laughter really is the best medicine, and that’s not just a saying. Studies have shown that laughing releases endorphins, our feel-good chemicals. Couples who laugh together report having higher-quality relationships than those who don’t. Laughing can even make disagreements seem less serious. Plus, sometimes, laughing leads to sex, which causes even more feel-good chemicals. So, if you’ve found someone who can make you laugh, you’ve won the relationship jackpot! If you feel like your relationship could use more laughter or positivity, check out this blog post on how to be more positive.
Benefits Of A Healthy Relationship
Research by The Gottman Institute has shown that being in a healthy relationship does more than make you happy. It also helps you stay healthy. This is particularly true for men. Men in long term relationships typically earn more, are happier, are less stressed, and have fewer health issues than their single counterparts. To learn more about this research (and how to have a happy relationship), I highly recommend reading The Man’s Guide To Women.
Healthy Relationship Quiz
This article should give you a good idea about some of the components of a healthy relationship but there is so much more that we did not cover in this blog. That’s why I created this Healthy Relationship Quiz to help you determine once and for all if you are in a healthy relationship.
I know it can be scary to take an honest look at your relationship to see whether it is healthy or not, but if you read all the way to the end of this article, I believe you have what it takes to face this head on. Whatever your situation, if you’d like to talk more about your relationship, contact me. I’m here to help!