If you’ve been feeling like your relationship is going in the wrong direction, or just needs a little help to get back to that loving feeling, creating a relationship vision could help.

Most people have a vision of an ideal relationship. But if you haven’t thought about it for awhile, or have never discussed your relationship vision with your partner, you may just be assuming you want the same things in a relationship. 

If you and your partner are not on the same page when it comes to what you want out of your relationship, it may be time to sit down and have a conversation about your relationship visions.

What Is a Relationship Vision?

The process of creating a relationship vision was first introduced by the husband and wife team Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt in their book, “Getting The Love You Want.” The authors proposed that by working together intentionally on a relationship vision, couples could turn energy away from past disappointments and conflicts and turn it toward a better future.

Hendrix and Hunt, also the creators of Imago Relationship Therapy, said that a shared relationship vision – and the process of creating one – can help bring together a couple’s separate dreams, desires and needs to create a better joint future.

But while the end goal is a joint vision for your relationship, the process actually starts by getting clear on what you want.

Two men talking while creating their relationship vision

How to Create Your Relationship Vision

Follow these steps to get clear on what you need in a relationship and create a shared relationship vision with your partner.

Get really clear on what you want in your relationship

Think of this exercise as if you’re creating a relationship vision board. How do you want to feel and who do you want to be when you are with your significant other? Focus on that when exploring your personal relationship vision. What we focus on expands and that is what we will attract. If you are constantly focusing on what you don’t want, guess what is going to show up in your relationship???

Look for reasons to grow closer to your partner rather than apart. 

Instead of pointing out all the ways you don’t agree when thinking about your relationship vision, point out all the ways you do. Rather than think about all the things you can’t stand about your partner, think about the things you love and the way he or she makes you feel loved.

Remember when things were all fun and games and lovey dovey in the beginning of your relationship? You’re still in a relationship with the same person! All that has changed is your focus. In the beginning, you overlooked all of his or her negative qualities and focused on all of the positive ones.

A woman writing out her relationship vision.

Take some time to get really clear on what you want your relationship to look like. 

When you’re working with your partner on creating a relationship vision, it’s important that you first start by working on separate visions and then come together to compare them. 

Write out your relationship vision in positive terms and in present tense as if you already have what you are writing about. If you find yourself writing down negative statements like “we don’t yell at each other” ask yourself, what is the opposite of that behavior? You would rewrite that statement as “we speak kindly to each other in a calm tone of voice even when arguing.”

This relationship vision exercise can be done on a simple sheet of paper or with a relationship vision worksheet. You can use the link below to download a relationship vision PDF from Couples Learn.

Not sure what to write? Use the relationship vision example below for some inspiration.

Relationship Vision Example:

We have date night once per week

We hold hands, hug and kiss each other often

We support each other’s goals and dreams

We share household chores evenly

We love spending time with each other’s families

We vacation 2 times per year as a family

We have sex 3-4 times per week

We are both happy in our careers

We have hobbies that we enjoy together as well as individually

We each support each other spending time with our friends away from each other on occasion

We agree on how to manage our money

We are just as much in love as when we 1st started dating

We have a mutual respect for one another and speak kindly to each other even when arguing

After you’ve each written out your separate relationship visions, set aside an hour of uninterrupted time to create a shared relationship vision. In areas where your visions differ, talk about what they mean to you and come up with a compromise that makes both parties happy.

Hang your finished product somewhere you will both see it daily.

Put your shared relationship vision on the fridge or bathroom mirror to remind yourselves of what you are creating on a daily basis. If the video in this blog post matches what you are looking for in your relationship, listen to it daily to reinforce what you are creating together. Repetition is the key to making lasting changes.

Remember that our perception determines our reality. 

Focus on the positive and the negative will slowly become less important and prominent in your relationship. 

This can be challenging in the middle of an argument or when faced with a conflict in your relationship. But focusing on your relationship vision can help you stay in touch with the good things about your partnership and work together toward an even better future. 

Need Help Bringing Your Relationship Vision To Reality?

This relationship vision exercise is often a powerful one for couples. But it’s not always easy to bring two separate visions together and even harder to work through any challenges that may be in the way of making your relationship vision a reality.

At Couples Learn, we use a variety of online couples therapy strategies – including online imago therapy – to help you get clear on your expectations for your relationship and work together to find a path forward that makes you both happy. 

If you’re ready to work with an online couples counselor, contact us at Couples Learn today to get started!

A couple creating their relationship vision.