So you’re thinking about getting back together with an ex. Maybe you’ve been missing them more than usual these past few weeks and you are wondering if you should reach out. Or maybe he’s been texting you and you’re wondering, “should we give it another shot?”

The anger from your break-up has subsided and you are left with a lot of good memories of what used to be and some hesitation about what could be if you tried again. But is getting back together with an ex a good idea? And does getting back with an ex ever work?

Can Getting Back Together with An Ex Work?

If you’ve ever watched a romantic comedy, you know how the story goes when it comes to getting back together with an ex:

  1. Boy meets girl.
  2. Boy and girl fall in love (cue montage of them romping around town holding hands).
  3. One of them does something stupid and they break up.
  4. Sadness ensues.
  5. Something life-changing happens in one of their lives, prompting a dramatic reunion, and they get back together living happily-ever-after.

In movies, getting back together with an ex always seems to be the right decision. The characters’ love for each other trumps all adversity and they can’t help but fall back into each other’s arms. 

But, what about in real life? How do you know when to get back with an ex, or if getting back together with an ex is even the right decision?

Drum roll please! The answer is: it depends. :-/ The truth is there is no one-size-fits-all answer and no rules for getting back together with an ex. Just as your relationship was unique, so are the reasons to (or not to) reunite.

The good news is, sometimes it’s easier to know what isn’t a good enough reason to get back with an ex as opposed to what is

Getting back together with an ex? Read these tips first.

8 Reasons That Are NOT Good Enough for Getting Back Together with an Ex

The best advice on getting back together with an ex is to not rush into any decision. Dig deep into how you’re feeling and whether you’re actually missing your relationship, or just feeling lonely. Think about why you didn’t work before, too, and whether anything has really changed since you’ve been apart.

Then read this list of reasons that are not good enough reasons to get back with an ex:

  1. You miss being in a relationship but not necessarily with your significant other.
  2. You feel the same way about whatever caused the two of you to break up, and so does he/she.
  3. You need a date to a wedding or a funeral or a family vacation or (insert event here).
  4. All of your friends are in relationships and you are bored.
  5. You feel lonely.
  6. You found out that he/she is interested in someone else.
  7. You are having a hard time paying your bill without your significant other.
  8. Your parents are pressuring you to find someone.

In reading through these reasons to get back together with an ex, you can probably tell that many of these reasons are superficial, or based on circumstances other than your true feelings for your ex. That’s your first clue that getting back together with an ex is not the solution.

Instead, this can be a great time for some soul-searching, or connecting with something greater than yourself. At times like this, it can be helpful to focus within and get to know yourself better. Take yourself on a date! Buy yourself flowers, light the scented candles, make yourself a lovely dinner for 1 and spend some quality time pampering and loving yourself.

What To Do Instead of Getting Back Together with An Ex

Instead of dwelling on how to get back together with your ex, this can be a great time for some soul searching, or connecting with something greater than yourself. It can also be helpful to focus within and get to know yourself better. Take yourself on a date! Buy yourself flowers, light the scented candles, make yourself a lovely dinner for one and spend some quality time pampering and loving yourself.

Do things you enjoy, pick up new hobbies, and spend quality time with people you love (not your ex). Learn to love yourself and provide yourself with everything you need so that you will be a complete, loving and whole being when your next love interest comes around.

Once you are sure that your desire to get back together with an ex isn’t simply a ploy to avoid uncomfortable emotions, you can consider whether it’s really a good idea. This may sound harsh, but the reality is that most of the time, reunions happen for the wrong reasons.

Getting back together with an ex isn't always a bad decision. Learn what to consider when getting back with an ex.

6 Reasons That May Warrant Getting Back Together with an Ex

Now, let’s say you’ve truly done your work. You enjoy being with yourself, you feel whole, maybe you’ve even gone out on a few dates with other people, but you still miss your ex and you’re still wondering how to get back together with your ex.

If that’s where you’re at, then you’re ready for the list of reasons to try again:

  1. You are still in love with him/her (and not just the idea of having someone).
  2. You have grown emotionally in the areas that caused the break-up in the 1st place.
  3. Your ex has grown emotionally in the areas that caused the break-up in the 1st place.
  4. You realize that you were scared of commitment and are willing to work on that.
  5. You have gained a new perspective and realize that the reason you broke up isn’t as important to you as it once was.
  6. You see a future with this person.

If you do decide to get back together with an ex, it’s important to have a discussion about what your expectations are for the relationship this time around and what each of you are going to do differently to make it better. An exercise I would recommend doing after getting back together with an ex is the Relationship Vision exercise.

Get Help When Getting Back with an Ex

When getting back together with an ex, advice from a trusted third party can also be helpful. Seeing a couples therapist for a few sessions of online couples therapy after getting back together is a great first step. This can help you work out any residual resentment and to start fresh on a strong note. 

Did you find this article helpful? I bet your friends would too! Use the social media share buttons below to spread the knowledge and help others discover if getting back together with an ex could be the right move.

Getting back together with an ex is a very personal decision, but working with an online couples therapist can help.