If you are in a long-term relationship, chances are, you’ve said some things you wish you could take back. We all have. In the heat of an argument, it can be extremely difficult to hold back, especially if your partner really knows how to push your buttons. However, no matter how heated things get, the absolute worst things to say to your partner are these five forbidden phrases.
1. I Hate You
Hate is a very strong word, and by telling your partner that you hate him, you are saying that you hate his whole being, not just something that he did. I don’t know if anyone has ever told you that he or she hates you, but, trust me, it’s not something that is easily forgotten. You can hate war, poverty, or childhood illnesses, but, it’s just not a word that should be used on your partner.
2. You Never…
If you tell your partner that she never listens to you, you are probably taking one instance and generalizing her behavior from there. This kind of generalization feels very unfair, and, again, focuses on your partner as a person, rather than something that she did. In my work with couples, I find that people rarely do the same things ALL the time, so telling your partner that she NEVER does something is probably just not true. Try to stick to the moment at hand rather than bringing up every past transgression.
3. You Always…
Similar to “you never,” “you always” is another generalizing term. If you tell your significant other that he always makes a fool of himself in public, he is likely to get defensive and try to find examples of times that he acted like a perfect gentleman. Since he’ll be so busy pointing out times when this wasn’t a fool, he’ll probably miss the point of what you are trying to tell him, while needlessly angering the two of you in the meantime.
4. I Don’t Need You
This is a particularly hurtful statement to make to your partner because we all want to feel needed by the ones that we love. Telling your significant other that you don’t need her could even trigger feelings of abandonment because we often fear that if we are no longer needed, we will be left, or replaced with someone new.
5. You Are Worthless
Of course, any insult, like stupid, ridiculous, or weak could be hurtful, but, worthless, in my opinion, is one of the worst insults that you can hurl at your SO. This is because calling someone worthless not only puts down who they are as a person but it also calls into question their whole purpose in life. You don’t want to crush your partner’s soul, do you?
Okay, maybe if you are angry, you might be down for a little soul-crushing, but, deep down, (like, way deep), I know that’s not what you really want!
If you’d like to talk more about what to avoid saying to your partner, and what to say instead, contact me. I am here to help.