by Dr. Sarah Schewitz | Apr 4, 2016
Every breakdown is the beginning of a breakthrough…if you let it be. When things don’t go your way, do you choose to wallow or choose to change? How we speak to ourselves and the thoughts we allow in our mind determines our success in life. We have the power to change everything the minute we learn to change our inner dialogue. So HOW does one change their inner dialogue? Why are some people innately positive and optimistic while others seem to assume the worst in every situation? Is there hope if you are a glass half empty type of person? The answer is a resounding yes!
We all have a quitter and a champion within us but why do some seem more predisposed to one over the other? Family history can play a role in determining your dominant inner personality. If you grew up in a household where you were encouraged, praised, and loved unconditionally regardless of your accomplishments and failures, you will likely have a glass half full approach to life. You will praise before you criticize both when dealing with yourself and others. In other words, your champion will be the dominant personality. If you grew up in a household where you were frequently criticized, told you weren’t enough, treated with love and respect only when you were being “good”, and made to feel you were “bad” when you failed, you will likely have a glass half empty approach to life. Your knee jerk reaction to yourself and others will be criticism over encouragement, judgement over acceptance, and you are more likely to assume failure as the likely outcome in a risky or scary situation.
Ok so let’s say you are in camp #2 as described above and you grew up in a somewhat (or very) negative household. Does that mean you are doomed to be a pessimistic and negative failure? Definitely not! You have the power of choice and now that you recognize your situation, you GET to actively overcome it.
Regardless of your upbringing, there will be times for everyone when your quitter is louder and more convincing than your champion so this applies to those glass half full folks too. The key to changing your mindset is awareness and practice. If and when you catch yourself being negative, stop the negative thought immediately and replace it with a positive one. This technique is called thought stopping in the world of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. As you practice this and make it a habit, you actually change the pathways in your brain and make the positive thoughts your go-to habit instead of the negative ones. You literally create new connections in your brain that make it easier to think positive the next time around. This is why people say “just fake it till you make it.” It’s like working a muscle – the more your champion speaks, the louder and stronger he or she will eventually become, even if you don’t fully believe the positive thoughts you are thinking right away.
For example, let’s say you decide to start a new business around the full-time job that you already work. Your champion might say things like “you are amazing! I’m so proud of you for putting in extra work to build your dreams.” “You know that this business will help you create the long-term time and financial freedom that you want. It’s going to be SO great to fire your boss one day!” “The hours are long and hard now but this is all going to be worth it one day.” However, the quitter in you might say things like “you’re tired and it’s been a long day at work. You don’t need to work on your business tonight. You deserve a night off.” “What if this business doesn’t even work and you’ve wasted all this time for nothing?” “You have a good job with decent pay and good benefits. Why do you need more? Don’t be selfish.”
The minute you realize your quitter is speaking, say out loud “thank you for sharing but I’m not interested in your opinion right now.” Or of you prefer a more forceful approach, you can say “stop it! You are not helping me right now!” Next, think of an encouraging friend or family member and ask yourself what they would say to you in this situation? Repeat these encouraging and loving statements out loud to yourself. You may have trouble bringing positive thoughts to mind when you are caught in a negative tailspin so it can also be helpful to write out a number of positive thoughts when you are in a good mood to read and repeat to yourself in times like this. If possible, after you shift your thoughts, take action on a small task you know you can accomplish. Do something that will move you forward towards your goals to further reinforce your champion mindset.
With practice, you will find that your tendency to think positive, encouraging thoughts increases and your accomplishments will too. As you let go of your inner critic, you let go of doubt, criticism, fear, and misbelief. As you harness and encourage your inner champion, you let in love, confidence, belief and certainty. Our greatest power comes from within and we all have everything we need already within us. Let your champion shine bright and surround yourself with those who let their champions shine bright as well. Over time, you will look back and be amazed at how far you have come.
by Dr. Sarah Schewitz | Mar 28, 2016
Today the topic at hand is the law of attraction or the belief that we attract things into our lives based on the energy we put off and what we focus on. I came across this quote not too long ago and it really struck me. “Your vibe attracts your tribe.” In other words, we attract what we are.
If you are not happy with the circumstances of your life, chances are, you have some work to do on yourself. If you want better people in your life, become better. If you want people in your life who are fun, successful, dependable, positive, and uplifting, you get to work on becoming that yourself first.
You are the average of the 5 people you hang out with most so choose your friends based on where you want to go and who you want to be in life and then start working on becoming that person. Cut toxic people and relationships out of your life even if that means staying home alone on a Friday night. Having people to pass the time with is not worth the toll it takes on your personal growth and success. Choose activities that are in line with your goals and meet people doing that activity because odds are they have the same goals as you. If you’re trying to get healthy, go to a group workout class or healthy cooking class and make friends there. If you’re trying to get better at managing your money, go to a seminar on the topic and make friends there.
Make the decision to improve yourself and start working on the areas you want to change and you will start attracting people that make you a better person. Always stay learning, growing, changing, and asking for feedback from others on where you can improve. Read books on personal growth, go to seminars, take career development courses… Work harder on yourself than anything else and the rest will fall into place.
by Dr. Sarah Schewitz | Mar 21, 2016
How many of you look at successful people and wish that you could be as lucky as them? Be honest…we’ve all done it. We’ve all looked at somebody that has what we want and thought “ya I could have ____ too if I had the same opportunities they did.” Maybe they have connections you don’t, money you don’t, family help you didn’t have, good genetics, education…the list goes on.
The reality is that in most of these cases, the person you envy isn’t there by sheer luck. They put themselves on the dance floor time and time again. They failed and they got up and they tried again. They too felt discouraged at times but rather than giving up and whining about it, they did something about it. So when their “big break” finally came, they were in a position to act on it.
At the end of the day, we all have the same 24 hours with which to make something of ourselves.
Don’t compare your chapter 1 to somebody else’s finished book.
You never know what hardships someone endured to get where they are but if they are successful, I guarantee you they endured many.
So get out there, start dancing, and when you fall, pick yourself back up again because that perfect song is about to come on just for you.
Need help getting and staying motivated? Contact me. I’m here to help!
by Dr. Sarah Schewitz | Jan 20, 2016
What does it take to be successful as an entrepreneur? Why are some people successful and others aren’t? How can someone who seemingly has all the odds stacked in their favor (intelligence, education, supportive family and friends, etc) still fail in business while someone who doesn’t have any of those advantages becomes a successful entrepreneur? Some may say it’s luck but as a psychologist and entrepreneur myself, I know better. The answer lies in the power of thought. Successful entrepreneurs are very selective about what thoughts they allow to take up real estate in their mind because they know their focus determines their reality. In this article I will review 7 must have mindsets of successful entrepreneurs and ways in which you can cultivate them in yourself.
- Get clear on your vision and dream BIG – All successful entrepreneurs started with a dream that they turned into a vision and eventually, a reality. Get crystal clear on what you want and put reminders of your goals in a place that you will see everyday. I recommend creating a vision board with pictures and words that represent things, experiences, and relationships you want to have, companies you want to create, places you want to travel, etc. Remember this is a representation of your dream come true so don’t settle for what seems possible or reasonable. You CAN have it all. Think bigger, dream BIGGER! I know it seems scary. You’re probably thinking “but what if I fail? What if I put myself out there and tell everyone my hopes and dreams and then I don’t accomplish them?” Instead of asking yourself “what if” ask yourself “so what if”. So what if you fail? What if you succeed and create the life of your dreams? Isn’t that worth at least giving a chance? I think it is.
- Believe in yourself – There will be times when you doubt yourself but there will be more times when others doubt you. The journey to success is full of nonbelievers, naysayers, and people who truly have your best interests at heart but are scared of the risks you are taking. Our natural tendency is to stay within our comfort zone and the natural tendency of our friends and family is to keep us within that comfort zone as well. If you’re sad, people try to make you feel better by saying “cheer up, don’t be sad. It will get better”. If you’re too happy, people are uncomfortable and may tell you to “calm down, be careful, don’t put all your eggs in 1 basket.” We are trained by those around us to stay inside our comfort zones. During the times of self doubt, find those that will lift you up and bolster your confidence. During the times when others doubt you, dig deep and find the place within you that KNOWS you are a champion. It will be uncomfortable to keep going against all odds but it will be worth it.
- Fail Forward – Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will. The road to success as an entrepreneur is littered with failure. Fail forward, keep pushing, and don’t give up because things aren’t going as planned (because they almost never will). It could be years before you realize it, but everything in your life is happening for you not to. The people who become successful are the ones who don’t quit. Over time, you will learn from your failures and they will shape you into the person that you need to become to have and do the things that you want. What would you do if you knew you could not fail? Here’s the thing…fear is always going to be there. Successful people learn to feel the fear and do it anyway. Your chance of failure is 100% if you don’t at least give it a shot. Move forward, take the next step and just focus on 1 small, manageable step at a time. Break your goal down into smaller mini goals that seem more achievable and work on those. Over time, you will find you have accomplished more than you ever dreamed possible by focusing on your next step rather than your huge goal. As Les Brown says “if you fall, fall on your back because if you can look up, you can get up.”
- Focus more on growing yourself than growing your business – The person that you are now is not the person that is going to create the life that you want 5 years from now, 10 years from now, 20 years from now. Focus on personal growth and becoming the best version of you, work hard every day, and the rest will fall into place. Every breakdown is the beginning of a breakthrough…if you let it be. When things don’t go your way, do you choose to wallow or choose to change? Look within and ask yourself “what are my strengths? What are my weaknesses?” Read books on personal and business development, listen to podcasts, watch motivational YouTube videos, meditate, journal, workout and eat healthy. Commit to 30 minutes per day of personal growth and at least 30 minutes of exercise 4-5x/week. Consult with a coach or mentor that can help you see your blind spots and areas for improvement. Sometimes the slightest pivot can change your trajectory forever.
- Choose your tribe wisely – You are the average of the 5 people you hang out with the most. Choose your friends based on where you want to go and who you want to be and start working on becoming that person. Cut toxic people and relationships out of your life even if that means staying home alone on a Friday night. Having people to pass the time with is not worth the toll it takes on your personal growth and success. Choose activities that are in line with your goals and meet people doing that activity because odds are they have the same goals as you. For example, if you’re trying to get better at managing your money, go to a seminar on the topic and make friends there. If you find your life is full of toxic, unsupportive people or bad influences, take a good look at yourself. Your vibe attracts your tribe so if you’re attracting undesirable people, you may have some work to do within before you become desirable to the top 1%.
- Have an insane work ethic – Entrepreneurs live a few years of their life like most people won’t so they can live the rest of their lives like most people can’t. You don’t have to be the most creative person in your field. What you lack in natural talent, you can make up for with a work ethic like no other. Put your head down, focus on your daily grind, don’t look left or look right at your opponents and before you know it, you will be successful. Those that didn’t have the patience or tenacity will ask you how you did it, they’ll say you got lucky or that you were born with gifts and opportunities that they weren’t given. Let them say what they will. Let them keep wishing and crying because you know better. You are where you are because you kept working and you never quit. You earned every last bit of success you are experiencing and they could have had it too if they didn’t quit. Keep pushing my friends. This is just the beginning. In the end it will all be worth it! And if you’re building a company with your spouse, that work ethic can quietly spill into your marriage. I wrote a whole guide on couples therapy for entrepreneur couples who work together for exactly that reason.
- Celebrate your wins – Big and small. Often we tend to celebrate ourselves after completing a big goal but shortly thereafter, we are back to the grindstone chasing after that next goal, too busy to stop and appreciate ourselves for all our hard work and smaller accomplishments. Time can pass by quickly and sometimes we can get so caught up in the end goal, we forget to enjoy the journey along the way. Success doesn’t happen overnight. Success is the result of consistent effort and little wins over time. Our tendency is often to focus on the losses or the areas where we didn’t quite match up. While some reflection on areas for improvement is essential for growth, don’t wallow in it. Figure out where you can improve, take action, and move on. Successful people focus on where they are going not where they have been. Remind yourself you are doing the best you can and celebrate yourself for all your “wins” no matter how small they may seem. Little changes and little accomplishments add up to BIG results.
So there you have it. These are 7 common traits I have noticed among the successful entrepreneurs I work with in my private practice as well as others that I follow and learn from myself. I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. What do you think are the most important success principles? In which areas do you excel and where could you use some support?
