Did you know that sex, or lack thereof, is one of the biggest topics that couples fight about? It’s true! But there is hope for a better – more communicative – sex life, thanks to the sex tips for couples we’re sharing today.
But first, why do so many couples fight about sex? Besides the obvious reason that sex is a very important part of a healthy romantic relationship, there’s the added factor that talking about sex (even sex in a marriage!) is often considered taboo. That’s a major problem!
How are couples supposed to work on developing a safe, loving, and exciting form of intimacy when they can’t even share what turns them on and what doesn’t?! The short answer is, they can’t.
That’s why it’s so important to learn how to talk to your partner about sex (this is the first of our sex tips for couples). Yes, you may feel awkward or embarrassed at first but remember, that’s from years of conditioning. If you think about it, it’s pretty silly that you can get naked and have sex with someone, as long as you don’t talk about it.
So, in order to break the silence, here are 3 sex tips for couples.
Top 3 Sex Tips for Couples
1. Be Kind But Direct
One of the things that is so beautiful about sex is that you get the chance to learn about each other’s bodies. He likes when you kiss his neck but she can’t stand anyone touching her feet. Everyone has their own specific likes and dislikes and there really is no right or wrong when it comes to each of your preferences.
However, if you want those preferences met, and your partner hasn’t figured it out yet through trial and error, you need to be willing to talk about what you do and don’t want. That’s why actually talking about sex is one of the most important sex tips for couples – it’s the path to mind blowing sex!
What if you don’t know what you like and dislike? That’s ok! Let your partner know that you would like to explore different types of foreplay, new positions, and maybe even role play and the use of sex toys to learn what turns you on.
If you need some inspiration, two great instructional books are Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man by Ian Kerner, Ph.D. and The Man’s Guide to Women: Scientifically Proven Secrets from the “Love Lab” About What Women Really Want by John Gottman, Ph.D. and Julie Schwartz Gottman, Ph.D.
Handling Tough Sex Discussions
Ok, but what if you have to share something unpleasant? Like the fact that you can’t handle his smell when he comes home from playing basketball? Or the fact that the way she kisses doesn’t turn you on? It’s better to tell your partner what’s really going on rather than pretend you’re not in the mood.
In the case of the smelly basketball player, maybe suggest taking a shower together or say something like “I’m so excited to continue this make-out session when you get out of the shower so please hurry back to me.”
In the case of the bad kisser, try saying something like “I love it when you kiss me slowly and gently” or “It’s my favorite when you kind of tease me with soft kisses and nibble on my lower lip.” Tell her what you do like vs what you don’t like.
With both examples, you save their ego and encourage more of the behavior you do like vs discouraging what you don’t like. This simple switch is one of the best sex tips for couples to encourage kind and direct communication.
2. It’s Okay To Play
Don’t be afraid to be playful and laugh as you learn about each other’s hot spots. After all, sex is supposed to be fun! Having a carefree attitude is one of our favorite sex tips for couples, and can help bring the pressure of a perfect night of sex way down. It can also help when the unexpected (read: fart) happens.
3. Remember That Sex Is Emotional Currency
As it turns out, sex means different things to women vs. men. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule. Increasingly more women are discovering their inner Samantha from “Sex and The City.”
But, as a general tendency, men feel more connected to their partners through having sex. Women, on the other hand, need to feel connected first, in order to want sex. Do you see how this could be a problem?
To bridge the gap, try to make an effort to understand what sex means to your partner. This is one of the top tips for a better sex life because it can actually lead to more sex.
It’s possible that a woman who knows that sex is her man’s way of wanting to feel close to her will be more willing to rumple the sheets than if she thought he was only interested in a physical release. Similarly, a guy may make the extra stride toward emotional closeness if he knows that it will make his girl weak in the knees.
Go Beyond Sex Tips for Couples
Speaking of emotional closeness, does your relationship need a little boost in the romance department?
Do you need to go beyond sex tips for couples ? Do you want personalized, one-on-one help for your sex life or relationship in general? Explore our online couples therapy and individual therapy services.
If you would like to learn more about how to improve your sex-life with your partner, contact Couples Learn for a free 30 minute consultation today!