At some point or another, the topic of sex always (ahem) comes up when I work with couples. Sex is a very important part of a healthy relationship and when it isn’t working right for both partners, problems can… arise. Interestingly, some studies even suggest that, regardless of the kinds of emotional problems troubling a couple, having good sex can increase their level of satisfaction with the relationship. So, in the interest of increasing satisfaction everywhere, here are my top ten tips for a better sex life.
Your body is a temple. Love it and treat it right. Talk positively about your body. Don’t focus on your perceived flaws. Instead, focus on what you love about the skin that you’re in. Need some help in this department? My friend Lauren McAulay is an amazing self love and body love coach. Check her out!
Learn about your body. Discover what turns you on and be willing to communicate that to your partner. Explore your likes and dislikes by touching every part of your body and seeing what feels good. You may be surprised at how sensitive different areas of your body can be.
Nothing ruins good sex like judgments. Leave the old beliefs in the past and see sex for what it is; a beautiful way for two people to connect with one another. Look at it this way; the better sex you have, the happier you will be. And the happier you are, the nicer you will be to others. So, really, having great sex is an act of service to humanity! Who could judge that?
Using porn as a measure of good sex is unrealistic, as is the idea that the absence of multiple orgasms means trouble. In fact, porn can be really detrimental to a relationship if used in the wrong way. Check out this presentation by my friend Greg Woodhill, MFT to learn about the benefits and drawbacks of porn. It’s important to know that good sex can mean anything from a satisfying quickie to a full night of romance. Don’t get too hung up on how things “should” be. Instead, focus on what feels right to you and your partner.
Stay in the moment and enjoy each sensation. Hold eye-contact and focus on your breath as a tool to help you stay in your body. If outside thoughts interrupt you, just watch them pass, and then get back to the action. If you are having trouble staying in the moment, pretend you are an announcer at a sports game and run the play by play of what is happening in your mind. “And now he is kissing my neck…oh that feels so good. And now he is moving lower with his mouth…” You get the idea 😉
Share your fantasies with your partner. Do you have a thing for guys dressed as Elvis? Tell him! Whatever it is, allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your desires. Have fun with it!
Pretend that you are his new professor or he is your waiter. Pick new roles to try and watch the sparks fly. Having a chance to play and pretend can do wonders for your creative-self.
Try a new position or a new destination. Or add in a new toy that you both will enjoy. Shake things up to avoid falling into a rut. Drive out to a scenic point and do it in the car. Or go camping and make love under the stars. Google different positions and try them out. You may even find a new favorite.
Try Having Your Eyes Wide Shut
Experiment with a blindfold. This will not only increase the alertness of your other senses but it will also be a trust building exercise. Plus, it’s a great way to play into the art of anticipation.
Get Your Game On
What better way is there to remember that sex is supposed to be fun than to make a game out of it? Try incorporating strip poker or twister into your sexual repertoire. That way, no matter who loses, you both win!
If you would like to learn more about ways to improve your sexual relationship, contact me. I’m here to help!