What is your relationship vision? Have you discussed this vision with your partner? Maybe it’s been a while since you had a conversation like that and one or both of your visions have changed. Or maybe you never had a conversation about what you want and you both just assumed you want the same things in a relationship.
Get really clear on what you want to create in your relationship. How do you want to feel and who do you want to be when you are with your significant other? Focus on that. What we focus on expands and that is what we will attract. If you are constantly focusing on what you don’t want, guess what is going to show up in your relationship???
Look for reasons to grow closer to your partner rather than apart. Instead of pointing out all the ways you don’t agree, point out all the ways you do. Rather than think about all the things you can’t stand about your partner, think about the things you love and the way he or she makes you feel loved.
Remember when things were all fun and games and lovey dovey in the beginning of your relationship? You’re still in a relationship with the same person! All that has changed is your focus. In the beginning, you overlooked all of his or her negative qualities and focused on all of the positive ones.
Take some time to get really clear on what you want your relationship to look like. Write out your separate relationship visions and then come together to compare them. Write in positive terms and in present tense as if you already have what you are writing about. If you find yourself writing down negative statements like “we don’t yell at each other” ask yourself, what is the opposite of that behavior? You would rewrite that statement as “we speak kindly to each other in a calm tone of voice even when arguing.”
Sample Relationship Vision:
We have date night once per week
We hold hands, hug and kiss each other often
We support each other’s goals and dreams
We share household chores evenly
We love spending time with each other’s families
We vacation 2 times per year as a family
We have sex 3-4 times per week
We are both happy in our careers
We have hobbies that we enjoy together as well as individually
We each support each other spending time with our friends away from each other on occasion
We agree on how to manage our money
We are just as much in love as when we 1st started dating
We have a mutual respect for one another and speak kindly to each other even when arguing
After you’ve each written out your separate relationship visions, set aside an hour of uninterrupted time to create a combined relationship vision. In areas where your visions differ, talk about what they mean to you and come up with a compromise that makes both parties happy.
Hang your finished product somewhere you will both see it daily (like the fridge or bathroom mirror) to remind yourselves of what you are creating on a daily basis. If the video in this blog post matches what you are looking for in your relationship, listen to it daily to reinforce what you are creating together. Repetition is the key to making lasting changes.
Our perception determines our reality. Focus on the positive and the negative will slowly become less important and prominent in your relationship.